Hello all my beautiful flower children,hope you missed me.
Let’s get a quick update on things going on in my life:
I’ve identified my insecurities in a relationship.
I’ve continued to pursue certain endeavors.
I’ve gained more recognition at work.
I’ve allowed myself the ability to fail.
I’ve acknowledged destructive behaviors.
But most importantly
I’ve understood that sometimes a break is good.
Over the last week or so I’ve taken a big step back from my blog, from my social media, from life in general. During this break I’ve made some big decisions(like always). I will ACTUALLY attempt to follow up with these decisions though, or at least for the next foreseeable future. 😂
Decision 1: stop making decisions based on number of likes
Decision 2: dive harder into my passions
Decision 3: change they way I use my blog(again)
Decision 4: stop apologizing for fucking up
Decision 5: start
I’m sure some people are wondering right now,” WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”
So a couple weeks ago I changed the format of my blog into more of a video format, hoping that was going to lead to more of a influx of likes, shares, etc. The videos I posted I did it in one shot with NO editing and it felt good, but I started doing something else on the back end. I noticed myself planning ahead for my videos. I was writing out exactly what I wanted to say.
While the majority of my readers may say,” what’s wrong with a little planning?”
I wasn’t allowing myself to be authentic. Some of you may have even noticed this change of mentality, months ago, before the videos started. I asked a friend to edit my posts before I actually posted them. She was a GREAT help and she is an AMAZING wittier/speaker/mother/friend. She didn’t change the story, but she did help with grammar, spelling structure and sometimes would ask additional questions to get more content out of me. While I appreciate ALL of her help(if your reading this I thank you SOOO MUCH). I knew our time working together would be brief. Not because she didn’t want to help, but because in the back of my mind I didn’t truly want the help.
I need this blog to be 💯 me. All spelling mistakes, bad grammar, fuck ups and all. While I love writing I don’t want to turn into a writer. I write for myself, I write for my anxiety, I write because it’s the only way I know how to speak.
When a person makes “No Mistakes” they don’t learn.
When a person makes “No Mistakes” they don’t grow.
When I make “No Mistakes” I feel withered.
When I make “No Mistakes” I feel terrified.
Terrified of when I will make a mistake.
Terrified of what reaction I may receive.
Terrified of why it may be.
Terrified of who will be involved.
Terrified of where this may take place.
Terrifed of how my anxiety will take over.
So no longer will I make “No Mistakes”. I’m gonna FUCK UP and your just gonna have to deal.