Don’t be scared…


*side note: I'm not a professional video person, I fumbled some of the words, but this is my first attempt. I posted to words below incase you can't hear me, or you would like to read it yourself.*

I was supposed to feel better.

Stronger

Wiser.

Instead I actually feel worse.

Weaker

Dumber.

The virus coursing thru my veins is an attack on my white blood cells.

I didn't realize it would attack my feelings as well.

I didn't think the stigma was real.

I didn't think it would actually affect me.

I didn't think about after care.

I didn't think about anything.

I didn't think.

They say whatever kills you makes you stronger. But what does that really mean?

I've been thru it all:

Abuse

Homelessness

No food

No power

Discrimination

Extreme depression

Attempted suicide

And then

HIV.

What I don't get is how people are more afraid of me once they find out I have HIV. People suddenly back away when they here that word.

Friends

Family

Coworkers

Artists

It's all the same. It's as if just by breathing the same air they can get this virus. It's as if by being near me they can some how become infected.

That's not ever the case though.

Even with the knowledge.

Even with being undetectable.

Even with writing down how I feel.

It doesn't stop the intense feeling of failure coursing along side HIV.

It doesn't stop the pressure of depression chasing after HIV.

It doesn't stop the stigma that comes attached with having HIV.

It doesn't stop me thinking that I'm not worthy of love because I have HIV.

It just never stops.

I don't think those things can ever stop, but I do know I'm done trying to fight those things.

Instead I've accepted them.

I've molded them into my personality.

I'm just a mixed up bag of emotions and irrational behavior.

It's not something I can change. Simply accept and move on from HIV.

If there is one thing you can take a way it's don't be afraid of HIV. End the fear and stop the stigma. Cease your thoughts and opinions.

Gain knowledge and a resistance.

Stand strong with your values

Never have any doubts

Get tested and no longer be afraid of HIV.

PLUR Regards,
Tyler Hurt
_sunflowerkid_
#SunflowerItUp

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