I say I don’t regret any of my decisions in life but that’s a straight up lie. Hindsight has a funny way of kicking us when we are flying high. These last few weeks Facebook memories have been giving me reminders of some things I ROYALLY messed up in the past: opportunities that I missed by a wide margin….dreams ready to be taken advantage of. One of my biggest regrets was how I treated my senior year of high school.
That year, I had everything going for me. Not the best grades, but I was on the board of several clubs. Had been elected Nevada Deca’s President. I had just completed a FABULOUS internship with Vegas.com. I turned 18 that same fateful year. The world was my oyster, but the 18-year-old me took advantage of my new found freedom more so then I did of my new found opportunity. I was a working man with very few bills. I also had a tendency to get a little wild. At 18 I had first discovered hard core drugs.
Ectasy, coke, meth were all in abundant supply at the time. I simply wanted to escape reality. So I found every opportunity to do so. Home life at the time was tiresome, and I didn’t want to deal with the pressure of school either. Even though I’m the only one to blame for all the extra curriculars.
Well, fast forward during the school year. I thought I was maintaining a pretty decent balance.
During school I’d be mostly alert, with the exceptions of most mornings that I spent attempting to sober myself up. After school I went straight to work most of the time. That’s when the fun began. Usually on my way into work I contacted my nearest drug dealer and informed them of what I needed. We hashed out the details and I couldn’t wait for work to be over.
This cycle went on from August until about winter break. That’s when things got worse.
I was able to work even more. I didn’t have school. I didn’t think I had any responsibilities, but I did. I had clubs to maintain, state offices to uphold, events to oversee. None of that seemed to faze me. I didn’t care any longer. I was free. I was a working “adult”.
One fateful Friday night (I randomly didn’t work the next day), I decided to go out with some friends. Well let’s back track. About a month prior to this I had bought a Moped (which now made me mobile).
Anyways I went to a club that was 18+, and since I wasn’t legally able to drink in the club; I wasn’t going to let a pesky drinking age stop me. I got FUCKED up before the club even opened. After a few hours of dancing and at almost 3 am, I thought I was fine enough to drive back home. Man was I wrong. I was pulled over on a moped, about 10 minutes from home. About 10 minutes from freedom. About 10 minutes from completely altering my future.
I was charged with several things and taken in for the evening. About two weeks later, at my courts hearing, almost every charge had been dropped EXCEPT for my DUI which was reduced. Even though it was a MUCH lighter sentence, I had things I had to do in order to fix it.
I was terrified, alone, and nervous. I dropped out/ or was let go of all the organizations I had been involved in. My mentor of 4 years and I had a screaming match in the middle of class. All the people who I thought would be my friends suddenly weren’t allowed to affiliate with me. I left school. I couldn’t go back there. I couldn’t face the music. I couldn’t understand how my “friends” could drop me just as quick.
Things only continued to get worse. More drugs, more parties, more work, but now community service was added to the mix.
About two weeks before school was about to end one person reached out to me. One person made a difference. I did end up graduating with my diploma, and my speciality program.
The purpose of this entire post is I while I may not LIVE in my regrets; I still have them. Hindsight is a funny thing. Looking back at some of the decisions I’ve made in life, I almost wish I made a different one. On the other side of the coin, if I had the opportunity to “redo” a part of my life, I wouldn’t take it.
I’m in a good place in my life. I’ve processed my long forgotten emotions. I’ve grown from my mistakes. While we may regret many decisions, look at it as an opportunity for growth instead of beating yourself up over something you can’t change any more.
Edited by: Heather LaBarge, Exalted Peacock