It's been an interesting few weeks. Hell, it's been an interesting few months. Fuck, it's been an interesting year.
For the readers that also follow my social media, I’m sure by now you’ve noticed I’m dating someone else. So here is the scoop…
At the beginning of the year, I was madly in love, but we moved WAYYY too fast. He was a great person (let’s call him Banker). Charming, sweet, patient, sexy, the whole package. It just wasn’t meant to be. So we had been official since the beginning of January. Well, we had gone out a few times to do some karaoke and I met someone there (let’s call him Mr. Karp).
At first, the guy I met seemed a little pretentious, rude, and all around not friendly. The more I got to know him and talk to him, the more attractive I found him. It was just casual flirting at first because I was still with someone, but it became so much more. Towards the end of February, I noticed Banker and I weren’t clicking. So I broke up with him. Almost immediately, I lusted after Mr.Karp. Since March we have been seeing each other.
Mr. Karp is also a good guy, but in a much different way. He respects me, makes me laugh, is completely honest, doesn’t judge, just as hot, is a star, and can playfully match my wit.
Sorry. Back to the point of this post.
Since the beginning of the year, many things have changed. Myself, my relationships, my job title, my place of living, etc. One of the biggest changes I’ve notice is I’ve started apologizing for everything…. like literally everything.
The radio doesn’t work, I’m sorry.
Someone messed up the register, I’m sorry.
I’m being too emotional, I’m sorry.
Your life is in shambles, I’m sorry.
My life is in shambles, I’m sorry.
I’m always sorry.
I’m not quite sure why this started to happen, but I do know that I’m done being sorry. I’ve apologized to everyone except to myself. I haven’t allowed myself to forgive the most important person. ME.
Well here is a little note to MYSELF.
YOUR ALLOWED TO BE VULNERABLE.
YOUR ALLOWED TO MESS UP.
YOUR ALLOWED TO MAKE MISTAKES.
YOUR ALLOWED TO BE YOU.
YOUR ALLOWED TO SAY NO.
YOUR ALLOWED TO HAVE HIV.
YOUR ALLOWED TO DO WHAT EVER.
YOUR ALLOWED TO SPEAK UP.
I’m sorry I let you down for so long. No longer will I allow myself to say I’m sorry. I’m taking an active role in my speech and my life. I’m no longer sorry. I’m unapologetically going to be ME. If this is something you can’t accept then, BYE.