So a few weeks ago I took a break from social media. I did it for a number of reasons. I did it to gain a sense of control. I did it to return back to my own life. I did it because I felt myself sinking into it…
Sinking into an uncontrollable void. Forgoing life for a virtual reality. Social media became my friend, my enemy, my lover, my life. I allowed it to over take my life. It sucked my down into a world I DID NOT want to be apart of. Before I “logged off” I talked about how I compare my life to the life of others. I talked about how that made me feel like less of a person. I talked about how I need to gain a sense of independence.
But, when I announced that I was logging off, one thing that I DIDN’T talk about was the overwhelming sense of jealousy I was feeling while scrolling thru my social media. I never once talked about how jealousy rages inside me when I’m too into social media.
I am a very jealous person. I get jealous over my friend’s promotion. I get jealous over random strangers on vacation. I get jealous when someone else is flirting with someone I’m talking to.
One thing “logging off” helped me recognize is the fact that I am very jealous. The first step to solving any problem is admitting you have a problem.
*Raises hand high in the air*
I HAVE A PROBLEM.
I am a jealous, catty, mostly lazy person.
I’ve recognized the issues. Now what?
Now I “work on them?”
NowI change them?
But what if…
What if I do nothing about them?
What if I simply accept them?
What if I understand them?
How about now…. I own them.
Jealousy is a part of my life. Personally, being jealous has helped me grow. It has helped me achieve more than what I previously had. I accept the fact I’m catty and it doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t change who I am as a person. It is simply a part of me. Neither negative nor positive. Just a simple fact. Lastly, FUCK yea I’m lazy. When I’m not working either of my jobs, when I’m not writing, when I’m not trying to push my blog, when I’m not trying to put together a modeling portfolio, when I’m not being an advocate for HIV+ youth, when I’m not maintaining relationships, when I’m not busy… I’m LAZY A.F.
If any of those things bother you, then I guess this is the wrong blog for you. I guess I am the wrong individual for you. My goal is to be 100% me. I write to tell myself about myself. I write to connect myself with other like-minded individuals. I write to be unapologetic.
Stay true to you, and never change. Comment below with a one line description of your personality. Let’s connect. 🙂