My anxiety has been thru the roof lately. Almost everything sets it off. I can’t quite put my finger on the why either. There has been a lot going on recently.
I’ve quit one job
I’ve been promoted at another
I’ve moved (again)
I’ve started a big project
I’m starting a new relationship
I’m really investing my time in social media…
I wonder how many times I check my pages. How many times do I check the number of readers I’ve received for the day? How many times do I click on one of my apps? How many times do I refresh the page?
If I can digress for a moment, last year I took a complete hiatus from social media; during my time away I started to take an interest in my life and in the life of the people around me. I started to make real, meaningful connections. My levels of anxiety decreased significantly. I had control over my own life. I wasn’t comparing my life to the lives of anyone else’s.
Fast forward to this year; I dove back into social media. I told myself it would only be used as tool. I said I would only post in order to inform followers of my blog. I would use it to network. Instead, I’m subconsciously comparing myself to my followers. I’ve started to disengage from life.
Social media has consumed my life, my thoughts, my friendships, even how I court (date). I compare my downfalls, to the uphills of others. I say “look at how well they are doing, compared to how poorly I am doing”. I check my phone more than I check on my friends. I check my number of readers more than I call my family. I check the number of likes before I check my own pulse.
I’ve used social media as a way to gain “confidence”. If I get more readers, if I get more likes, if it’s shared one more time then that must mean I matter.
None of that actually matters though. It’s just a void spectacle. It’s just meaningless love. It’s fake confidence. I sit and wonder why my anxiety is so sky high lately. Maybe if I disconnect for a little bit? Maybe if I stopped caring about what cyber world thinks? Maybe if a started caring about myself? Maybe…
This week I’m challenging myself. I’m logging off. All my social media will be “off”. I will not be posting, I will not care about my views, or likes, and; I’m going to count exactly how many times I click on the apps.
And I challenge you to do the same. For one week, click off.
For everyone I’ve contacted for the collab project. My phone will still be on, and I’ll be available on email if you need to get a hold of me for any questions, but all social media communication will be cut.