But I’m learning. Im learning to love you. I’m learning to listen to you. I’m watching for the signs. Im paying attention to my thoughts. The feelings have come to the surface, and im tired of hiding them. I’m tired of working. I’m tired of feeling alone. I’m simply sick and tired of being sick and tired.
But some days aren’t as bad as others. Some days are actually pretty good. Some days I’m able to smile at the image in the mirror, laugh at my own(sometimes bad) jokes, flirt with the stranger from the bar.
Since young I’ve made myself believe feelings are private. Feelings are only available to people close to you, but only if those people are feeling it too. Feelings have a negative connotation and if I feel them too often there must be something wrong with me. I HAVE to be strong. I HAVE to be professional. I HAVE to be masculine.
I’m still learning that none of that is true. I don’t HAVE to be anything. I don’t HAVE to bottle my feelings up. They are a part of life and growth. They make me feel wonderful. To be able to share with this blog every week my feelings and thoughts makes me feel less (insert word here).
I keep trying to “save” people from themselves. I can’t save the world if I can barely save myself. I’m going to go after the things I want. I’m going to better my current life. I’m going to ensure a wonderful future.
But first I must say that..: