Approval

We, as humans, desperately seek out approval & validation for everything in our lives. It’s the very thing that drives a lot of people. The older I get I begin to ask myself ,” at what point do we stop living for ourselves and living for the validation of another?”
Last week I had this young guy I was sleeping with casually “break up” with me. I found myself over analyzing the situation trying to figure out what I can do to keep him. It dawned on me that yet again I was seeking approval from a person.

For so many years I have been seeking validation for my life. I’m simply average. I’m mixed race, bisexual, a bit feminine, a bit masculine, don’t drink enough to be an alcoholic, drink too much for sobriety. I’ve never felt as if I was enough.

Until I looked in the mirror and decided that I couldn’t care anymore. Every day I wake up I tell myself that I matter, that I’m important, that I am enough. There are days still that I don’t feel as if I am. Those are the days the monster we call , DEPRESSION, comes back for a play date. We play for a few days and then I send him back home.

I realize this sounds like it was an easy fix. I simply “woke up like this” but let me ensure you that’s not the case at all. I’ve spent years battling depression. Self medicating with alcohol, prescription pills, hardcore drugs, self harm, & even sex.

This year I’m going on an internal journey to truly discover myself. I’ve been lost for so long. I thought moving to a different city I would “find myself” but I’ve only discovered that changing locations doesn’t do much to help the things going on in your head. Join me Via social media by leaving words of encouragement, sending in your own journeys, writing me to tell me your story. I won’t post anything you share with me unless you specifically give me permission, but having people join me on this magical journey of self discovery would be wonderful.

Until next week,

PLUR regards

@HylerTurt

#SunflowerItUp

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